58%

Today, I got 58% on an assignment which I completed only 60% of.

Days like today are days that make me consider the what ifs and the benefits of hard work. Such is a day that truly makes me wonder what could have happened if I had completed the entire assignment and makes me wish I had completed the entire assignment.

Semester 5, Week 13, Monday

Personal weakness? Negativity. Without a doubt. Not the only weakness though.

Just over lunch, I was rambling to the parents about what a boring semester I'd had. Plans had been made to spend a Monday studying at Uni. Booking a study room for the pending study date was the real motivation for going to Uni. It helped that I didn't have to take the bus there or have to rush home for anything.

I was making my way to the Science library when I got an unexpected call from a friend asking me where I was. I decided that I wanted to spend time with this friend of mine and that I would also prefer to not have to study alone. So I made my way to Reid. We got a spot in a quiet study zone (yuck!) but because it was too warm after awhile, we decided to move downstairs. To the cafe. That usual spot. I walked towards the spot with the biggest grin in my head. You can say I was more than happy to be back in that spot with my study buddy. :) Sure things are different from before, but good times cannot be compared. Then came another friend, who made a quick stop for coffee and my guild card. :p

I decided to boast that I was at Uni. And along comes my darling friend whom I love to annoy . It barely annoys him I'm sure. He would gotten so used to all the silly, sweet and funny things that I say to him but he just has to say to me that I'm annoying. Pffftttt! In any case, he came looking for me in the cafe too. He sat down in his formal clothes and I looked at him and thought, what a long way we have come. I met him in my first semester, never expecting to be this close to him and now in my final semester, I'm remembering our first night out together and I still have silly times with him, consisting of walking each other up and down to where we need to be only to split halfway.

It really made my day to have my last week of Uni begin so wonderfully. I would never know what made me turn up at Uni this fateful Monday. For all that I've been complaining about, this day of Uni truly brings my 2 and a half years at UWA to a memorable finish. All I need now, is for this final set of exams to be smooth flowing and for my first paper to be as wonderful as my first day of my last week of Uni.

I guess not all Mondays are meant to be blue. : )

Lost Generation

A reminder that change begins with me and that I am what I allow and work myself to be.

I am a part of a lost generation

and I refuse to believe that

I can change the world

I realize this may be a shock but

"Happiness comes from within"

is a lie, and

"Money will make me happy"

So in 30 years I will tell my children

they are not the most important thing in my life.

My employer will know that

I have my priorities straight because

work

is more important than

family

I tell you this

Once upon a time

Families stayed together

but this will not be true in my era

This is a quick fix society

Experts tell me

30 years from now, I'll be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce

I do not conceded that

I will live in a country of my own making

In the future

Environmental destruction will be the norm

No longer can it be said that

My peers and I care about this earth

It will be evident that

My generation is apathetic and lethargic

It is foolish to presume that

There is hope

And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it.

There is hope.

It is foolish to presume that

My generation is apathetic and lethargic

It will be evident that

My peers and I care about this earth

No longer can it be said that

Environmental destruction will be the norm

In the future

I will live in a country of my own making

I do not concede that

30 years from now, I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce

Experts tell me

This is a quick fix society

but this will not be true in my era

Families stayed together

Once upon a time

I tell you this

family

is more important than

work

I have my priorities straight because

My employer will know that

they are not the most important thing in my life

So in 30 years I will tell my children

"Money will make me happy."

is a lie, and

"Happiness comes from within."

I realize this may be a shock but

I can change the world

and I refuse to believe that

I am part of a lost generation

-Jonathan Reed-

September Birthday Week :)

Whirlwind of birthdays!!! Loving it...

Birthdays are such wonderful times of the year. The cake, the party, the balloons, the food, the everything! All good. It's the one day I'm excused from housework. Of most sorts.

A special shout out to all the family celebrating their birthday! Love you guys loads!!

17th Sep - Glen

18th Sep - Amma

20th Sep - Joel

22nd Sep - Matt

23rd Sep - Hun Hao

Today, it's Matt's turn to be excused. And thanks to Matt, we have 3 yum meals! Afternoon tea, prawn noodles tonight and crabs on Saturday! Wheeeeeeeee!!! Love you Matt!

Been such a busy week, celebrating birthdays and saying goodbyes that all started on Saturday. Rushed to the hotel to send Jorine's family back to Singapore. I too heard about that Busselton adventure I wish I was on, celebrating Amma's birthday. Monday and yesterday was dinner with Joel. Tonight is dinner home. Sent Jorine off at the airport last night... It really is a busy week and I'm wondering where I'm finding the time to study. Mid-semester on Thursday. Ewwww... And Hun Hao's suprise birthday tonight. (I'm sure he won't read this before tonight. ;) )

Anyways, Happy Birthday to all my lovely people! Especially my best brother Matt :)

The Way We Were

Memories

Like the corners of my mind

Misty watercolor memories

Of the way we were

Scattered pictures

Of the smiles we left behind

Smiles we gave to one another

For the way we were

Can it be that it was all so simple then

Or has time rewritten every line

If we had the chance to do it all again

Tell me

Would we?

Could we?

Memories

May be beautiful and yet

What’s too painful to remember

We simply choose to forget

So it is the laughter

We will remember

Whenever we remember

The way we were

So it is the laughter

We will remember

Whenever we remember

The way we were

-Barbara Streisand-

ps. When I heard this, a flood of memories hit me... I miss you, you & you.... And all I wanna do is go back to the way we were...

Monday Night

I really should have taken a picture of us on Monday night. Thank you for an awesome 3.5 hours(?) Interestingly enough, we're both from Singapore but met in Perth and this picture was taken in Singapore. :) Love you dearie... Mwah

Four Love Notes

7th September 2010

To precious moments present, to precious moments past, to precious moments yet to come and a love that will always last.

Dear Mom & Dad

Happy 25th Anniversary! It hasn't always been a smooth path but you've made it this far and I'm so happy that you have been blessed with the opportunity to celebrate 25 years of love... May the Lord continue to bless each and every day of your marriage and may His love rain down on you always and may He look upon you with favor all the days of your life. As you walk through His plans for you, thank you for being my awesome parents. Though we fight and disagree, at the end of the day, I wouldn't have it any other way. Thank you for everything. Love you both lots and I wish you all the best in God's blessing for you both.

Love always San

Dear Uncle Edman & Auntie Radha

Happy 25th Anniversary to you too! May the Lord continue to bless your marriage as you journey on in life as a couple. Thank you for being another inspiration to me :) Thank you also for always welcoming me to you house ;)

Love always Tiffany :)

Dear Mommy/Polar Bear/Gorgeous/Outrageous

40 days of dessert huh... I am glad to see that you've eliminated that annoying phrase "last message to you" at the end of the messages you've been sending to me over the past 40 days. It was truly a very very challenging experience with everything that was happening alongside with it. I've missed you. So, where do I begin updating you about the last 40 days of my life? Hmm... Let's begin with how I will miss sneaking into your room and how I will miss writing secret admirer notes to you. But I am glad this sneaky business is a thing of the past. I don't' like shadow business. I'm a proper kid. Honest, upright, blah blah... Can't wait to see you! Btw, you owe me lots of stories and I wanna HUG!

Love Miffany

Dear Another You

I've decided to ignore your special request and you hence get a love note. I wish you all the best for tomorrow. You know what I'm talking about. Tomorrow 12pm is an important time for you. Just do your best and God will do the rest! In whatever you do, you can always count on me to be there for you! Lots of good luck to you! Break a leg!

Love Me :)

Dear You

Twenty years from now, you'll be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowline, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain

So says Mr. Twain that the opportunities that we let go are the ones that will haunt us more than the ones we screw up. Good to know that because at present, I do regret something I've done.

Somewhere in the back of my head I knew you'd be hurt by what I would have to say to you. But a little bit to the left of that back bit of my head, was the part that thought you wouldn't take to heart what I said to you. It seems to be that what hurt you wasn't the incident but was rather me. :( That, actually, is something I never intended to do. To hurt you was never my intention. I apologize for my lack of thoughtfulness, my lack of sensitivity, and I apologize for thinking you're a superhero that's unfazed by my thoughts to you. I know I have hurt you more than once. Unnecessarily.

I usually keep to myself, sharing neither thoughts, troubles, ideas, etc. You somehow bring out that side of me. You bring out a me that's expressive, bold, direct and sometimes insensitive. Perhaps he was right and that we are too close. Perhaps he's also right, that those conversations had a motive behind them. Perhaps he's right about everything. Maybe I really do.

But what's been said cannot been undone. I would love to take back what I said. I would choose not to tell you about all that. It's true I lay in bed and worried about you till I fell asleep. It's true I lay in bed and thought about what I should have instead said to you. You evidently haven't left my mind. I didn't think that your response to me would have such a great impact on me. I never thought when I told you about everything, that this would be your reaction. I never thought that I'd be the one to hurt you. Can I say anything else but "Sorry"? I don't even think that's something you wanna hear from me. Perhaps I should stop talking to you. That way, I wouldn't find myself in so much trouble.

I always say I love you. Do I really? If I did, why would something like this happen? I wanna call you and find out if you're really okay but I think the last person you'd want to hear from right now is me. And I don't wish to ruin your night out so I think I'll just talk to you later.

I'll say that my thoughts were not always for you. Perhaps if I had started out with all of my thoughts being for you, things would have turned out differently.

Cruel

You can say love's forever

And find it never stays

In you I've recovered

The one thing that must remain

I'm tired of a world undone

I've figured out you're my setting sun

It's cruel

The way I'm needing you

I guess I'll play the fool

It's my heart, not my mind and it's taking over

Cruel

Suddenly it's true

No longer can I choose

It's in you I'm defined and there is no other

Oh it's Cruel

Oh it's Cruel

I can hold back emotions

Get lost in a maze

But this urgency tells me

I just can't refrain

Dreams have come and passed me by

But now it's time to redefine

It's cruel

The way I'm needing you

I guess I'll play the fool

It's my heart, not my mind and it's taking over

Cruel

Suddenly it's true

No longer can I choose

It's in you I'm defined and there is no other

I've seen it come and go so many times

But this is critical, the truth

I can't hide

(Can't hide)

And I don't know why

(And I don't know why, I don't know why)

Yeah, oh yeah

(So cruel)

So cruel, oh

It's cruel the way I'm loving you, oh yeah

(So cruel)

Cruel the way I'm loving you

It's cruel

The way I'm needing you

I guess I'll play the fool

(It's cruel the way I'm loving you)

(Baby now I know it's true)

It's my heart, not my mind and it's taking over

Cruel

Suddenly it's true

No longer can I choose

It's in you I'm defined and there is no other

-Human Nature-

Change = Shit?

Change, just like shit, happens.

It seems as though no matter how prepared I am for change, I take ages to get used to it. Change in relationships affects me pretty bad.

I miss the good times of having friends in my lectures, tutes, Uni. I miss meeting up with friends for Uni. Though I procrastinate going for lectures, I actually miss going to Uni. Friends can really mean everything. Jorine especially, my best friend at Uni. This is one girl I never expected would make such an impact on my Uni life. Uni is truly different without her. Expectedly, I miss her now that she's gone. But no worries. 8 more days and she should be back. :D Something to look forward to.

I miss my other best friends too. Brenda, Kim, Yo... Joel!!!

Oddly, I miss Singapore too. Moving away from there and to a new country was exciting. Now that I've settled in, I'm comfortable and happy. I wouldn't wanna move back to Singapore forever, but I would like to go back. At least for awhile. Truthfully, I think I miss Singapore because it has Universal Studios. I'm a sucker for theme parks. I love roller coasters. I love going on rides. I am a kid in that way :)

What Happened to Coincidence?

Sometimes reality can be too bitter a pill to take. More often that not, with the unpleasant things I come across in life, I like to hide them. I like to ignore them, keep them to myself and shove them into a far corner of my heart/brain until such time when I cannot take the pressure and the build up inside me and I just explode.

I wonder if this what people think of me when I rant to them about the problems I have. I tend to keep to myself a lot until such time when I find myself incapable of managing on my own and out comes everything like volcano lava. Hot, angry, teary.

Is there really no reason to stay angry at someone? Is there really no reason not to trust someone? Is there really a reason for everything that happens? What happened to coincidence?

Dream, Dreamy, Dreaming...

Looking at all the various pictures on Facebook of people's holidays makes me jealous!!!

I loves taking pictures especially of picturesque places. When I'm on holiday and the camera's in my hand, snapshots of the night sky, the city skyline, the trees, the buildings, sceneries, sunsets, etc will be captured. My special ability is to expertly place myself in a beautiful picture of the scenery around me. I almost always successfully include myself in great shots! Hahahaha... Okayy... So I cam-whore well.

My point though is I need more pictures!!! I miss going on holiday. I miss being in an aeroplane, I miss sleeping in a hotel bed, I miss being in a foreign country, I miss confusing myself over the time and currencies of the new place.

Here's where I wanna be.

Prague

Las Vegas

Austria

Disneyland :)

Of course there are heaps more other places that I wanna visit, Kenya, Hong Kong, Seychelles, Paris, Tioman, Penang, Shanghai, Tokyo, Hokkaido, Sydney, Goa, Gold Coast, Los Angeles, Manila, Palawan, Dubai, etc etc...

Meanwhile, it's work hard work hard, save up enough money for my year end graduation trip. :) Before I think about anything else though, I need lunch.

Hungry.

7th September 1985

I find out today, my parents and the J Anthonys' parents share the same wedding anniversary. Same date, same year, just different country.

7th September 1985 marks the start of two awesome families. Mine and yours. You can imagine my excitement! I rush to tell Abby, Mom and Matt!

Joyce! It's meant to be!

Angel's Lullaby

Dear Ashley

I was never alive
Till the day I was blessed with you
When I hold you late at night
I know what I was put here to do
I turn off the world
And listen to you sigh
And I will sing my Angel's Lullaby

Know I'm forever near
The one you can always call
Right now all you know to fear
Are the shadows on your wall
I'm here close enough
To kiss the tears you cry
And I will sing my Angel's Lullaby

So tell me how to stop the years from racing
Is there a secret someone knows
I'll never catch all the memories I'm chasing
Never be ready to let go

And when the world seems cold
And you feel that all of your strength is gone
There may be one tiny voice
Your reason to carry on
And when I'm not close enough
To kiss the tears you cry
You will sing your Angel's Lullaby

Let this be our Angel's Lullaby

Love Che Che

COKE LIters

TEACHER:How many liters does a Coke litro have?

PUPIL: Four liters ma'am!

TEACHER: Are you sure?

PUPIL: Yes ma'am! Liter C, Liter O, Liter K, and Liter E!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

It's been a long time since I heard Filipino jokes... Miss them... Especially Pedro.. :D

I'll Be There

You and I must make a pact, we must bring salvation back

Where there is love, I'll be there

I'll reach out my hand to you, I'll have faith in all you do
Just call my name and I'll be there

I'll be there to comfort you,
Build my world of dreams around you, I'm so glad that I found you
I'll be there with a love that's strong
I'll be your strength, I'll keep holding on

Let me fill your heart with joy and laughter
Togetherness, well that's all I'm after
Whenever you need me, I'll be there
I'll be there to protect you, with an unselfish love that respects you
Just call my name and I'll be there

If you should ever find someone new, I know he'd better be good to you
'Cause if he doesn't, I'll be there
Don't you know, baby, yeah yeah
I'll be there, I'll be there, just call my name, I'll be there

(Just look over your shoulders, honey - oo)

I'll be there, I'll be there, whenever you need me, I'll be there
Don't you know, baby, yeah yeah

I'll be there, I'll be there, just call my name, I'll be there...

-Jackson 5-

ps.. i miss you. you know where to find me.. *hint hint*

Biffley Calls

It's been a sad and lonely Monday...

I've come to terms with the fact that you're now gone. I'm sad to no longer have you by my side but to know that though the walking distance to your house is greater, you're still only a call and text away, and that is enough to make me stop crying.

You have no idea how much those 2 phone calls made me smile. I really had no idea that it was you the first time and when I heard your voice, I felt a rush thru me. . It's so different from when we Skyped earlier. That Skype thing made me cry so much.... :(

So I lied when you called. I was tired from a whole day of feeling sad, crying and writing and I'd just emailed you heaps of stuff. Then Abby and I were both talking and wondering whether you had arrived yet and how you were, etc... but she had to sleep so I too decided to get some sleep but was finding it hard to sleep. I was almost asleep and then I heard the phone ring and I picked it up sleepily. And then I heard your voice and I wanted to talk to you. And it was all I needed to stay awake. Actually no. It was all I needed to hear to have a good night's sleep. Cos after you put down, I slept smiling. And then you called a second time. This time round, it was different. I picked up the call in my sleep knowing that it was you calling. It was like our late night chats all over again... It was like good nights all over again. I was so awake after the call.

I miss all our good times and silliness together, and simply just being Abby, Tiffy & Yohaan. :)

You irritating lahhh... Why you have to go??? But you promised to talk to me everyday :) And if you don't, I can _ _ _ _ you for each day that you don't. :D I miss you heaps... And I look forward to seeing you again. Whenever that may be.

Meanwhile, you take care and remember that I love you :)

Don't Let Go

I can't believe this moment's come
It's so incredible that we're alone
There's so much to be said and done
It's impossible not to be overcome
Will you forgive me if I feel this way
Cuz we've just met - tell me that's okay
So take this feeling'n make it grow
Never let it - never let it go
(Dont let go of the things you believe in)
You give me something that I can believe in
(Dont' let go of this moment in time)
Go of this moment in time
(Don't let go of things that you're feeling)
I can't explain the things that I'm feeling
(Dont' let go)
No, I won't let go

Now would you mind if I bared my soul
If I came right out and said your'e beautiful
Cuz there's something here I can't explain
I feel I'm diving into driving rain
You get my senses running wild
I can't resist your sweet, sweet smile
So take this feeling'n make it grow
Never let it - never let it go

I've been waiting all my life
To make this moment feel so right
The feel of you just fills the night
So c'mon - just hold on tight

-Bryan Adams feat. Sarah McLachlan-

Our friendship was never meant to end. At least not in that awful way. With you, I don't let go.

Hero

Let me be your hero

Would you dance if I asked you to dance?
Would you run and never look back
Would you cry if you saw me crying
Would you save my soul tonight?

Would you tremble if I touched your lips?
Would you laugh oh please tell me these
Now would you die for the one you love?
Hold me in your arms tonight?

I can be you hero baby
I can kiss away the pain
I will stand by you forever
You can take my breath away

Would you swear that you'll always be mine?
Would you lie would you run away
Am I in to deep?
Have I lost my mind?
I don't care you're here tonight

I just want to hold you
Am I in too deep?
Have I lost my mind?
Well I don't care you're here tonight

You can take my breath my breath away
I can be your hero

-Enrique Iglesias-

Passport Power

Whether or not you actually leave, it's all within my control. I have with me here, your passport. :)

The power I possess, I know so many who would love to possess. It's gonna be hard seeing you go. Especially since I'm not even sure if I'll still be here when you come back but I know God has a better plan for you, going home. I'm sure that family is one of them. Thank you for being a part of my family for the last 4-5 months and for being my best friend. We really miss you. All SEVEN of us!

Take care & god bless you always...

Love always.... Tiffy :)

Ps... Abby & I claim godmother rights to your children! One boy and one girl each. :)

Inspirator

I did think of having a blog some time before this but could never think of a name or the inspiration to write. This blog was created by 2 friends and the name inspired by someone who plays a rather annoying yet fun part in my life.

To the person who inspired the blog name, this post I dedicate to you. (And write only when you are in the comforts of your bed so you cannot spy on me) :)

So you've found out the existence of this blog. I have for the longest time been resisting telling you about it because of its name. You know I usually don't keep you in horrible suspense but this was just one of those times when it was necessary. Your reaction when you found out just confirmed that I should have continued keeping mum about this. Gosh. The things you force out of me just by being you. Ewww....

So anyways, I said that I would one day blog about how annoying you are. But for starters, I think I'll be nice. Simply because its more my natural nature to be nice. :)

So here goes...

Don't worry too much about feeling ignorant about my feelings and about me. You are bad but fear not, there is always room for improvement. I've had heaps of fun times with you and I love how you are able to cheer me up when I'm down. Thank you for being there when I needed someone to talk to today. I had a lot of other stuff in my head, that I was gonna write about. But now that I've reached this part, I can't seem to remember what I wanted to write. Anyways, just be happy with this. You're special to me and I really do treasure you. I may seem to be flighty, hopping from one friend to another but don't worry. I'll always remember you :) It also means, you cannot fulfil your wildest dreams of getting rid of me cos I'll always come back to you.

Love you, bye!

For the First Time

She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart
While I'm drinking Jack all alone in my local bar
And we don't know how how we got into this mad situation
Only doing things out of frustration
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard

She needs me now but I can't seem to find a time
I've got a new job now in the unemployment line
And we don't know how how we got into this mess it's a God's test
Someone help us cause we're doing our best
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard

But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night
Saying things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time

She's in line at the door with her head held high
While I just lost my job but didn't lose my flight
But we both know how how we're gonna make it work when it hurts
When you pick yourself up you get kicked in the dirt
Trying to make it work but man these times are hard

But we're gonna start by drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night

Doing things we haven't for a while, a while yeah
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time

Drinking old cheap bottles of wine
Sit talking up all night

Saying things we haven't for a while
We're smiling but we're close to tears
Even after all these years
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting
For the first time
For the first time
Oh, for the first time
Yeah, for the first time

Oh these times are hard
Yeah they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me baby

-The Script-

$42.30

Hi! May I take your order?

Erm... Give us 5 mins.

So what do you guys want?

I don't know. Starving.

Double quarter pounder again??? :D:D:D

Hahahahaha... Erm yes? Hahahahahaha!!!!

Okay wait. Toilet first.

Ok bye...

(walk to cafe section)

Ooooooooo.... Cookies and cream cheesecake..

Ooooo... Yessssss

Oh how about warm triple chocolate cake...

Ohhh I show you. Nice muffin.

How about Mud Muffin?

Oh nice... I like that...

(distraction)

Blueberry Muffin!

Oh look at this other cake.. So nice. I love this.

Look at this cake! So nice!

This one!

Oh how about this one!

See this!! See this!!!!

(blah blah blah)

Ok ok.. Decide what we want.

Mud Muffin share ok?

Erm.... Can we have more than 1?

(walks out of toilet)

Hey... What do you want? From here. The desserts.

(scans desserts)

Cookies and cream cheesecake!

OMG!!!!!!!!!

She wants want that!

Warm chocolate cake?

Only if I get a dollop of ice cream on it.

Erm.. How about Blueberry Muffin?

Yes!

OMG!!!!!!! I love you!!

Okkkk.. Let's go? Order?

Hi! Erm. Can I have 3 Double Quarter Pounder meals.

(sniggers)

What do you want for drinks?

Erm... Can I have a coffee?

What kind?

Cappuccino.

You you? What drink you want?

You like Fanta? Fruit Fizz?

Ok Fruit Fizz.

1 Fruit Fizz.

What you want?

Fanta? Fruit Fizz?

Fruit Fizz is mine.

Oh you too?

Okay 2 Fruit Fizz. No ice please.

And can we have a Cookies and Cream cheesecake.

And yes? A Blueberry Muffin.

Do you want it warmed?

Yes :)

Okay so you have 3 Double Quarter Pounder meals, 1 Cappuccino, 2 Fruit Fizz, 1 Cookies and Cream cheesecake, 1 Blueberry Muffin.

And erm can we add one Angus the Third on its own?

Is that all? Total $42.30

Oh God... We're eating so much....

(Food gets set on the trays)

Hey guyss.. Can we not eat anything until we sit down and I get a picture?

Okayy..

(Everyone grabs fries.)

(HAHAHAHA!!!!)

I knew I shouldn't have said that. Cos I instantly felt like having a fry after saying that...

Hmmm... I wonder if we can get butter.

Here you go. Muffin and cheesecake.

Hey look! You got butter!

Wheeee!!!!

Ok eat!!

And perhaps...

The unthinkable, the impossible, the taboo, I've just done it.

I think all I really wanna achieve out of all this is just to know that you'll be there for me. Nothing else.

And perhaps to know that I still mean something to you.

Beautiful Monster

All my life
And the hereafter
I've never seen
Seen one like you

You're a knife
Sharp and deadly
And it's me
That you cut into

But I don't mind
In fact I like it
Though I'm terrified
I'm turned on scared of you

Chorus:
She's a monster
Beautiful monster
Beautiful monster
But I don't mind

And I need her
Said I need her
Beautiful monster
But I don't mind

No I don't mind (I don't mind I don't I don't mind...)
No I don't mind (I don't mind I don't I don't mind...)
No I don't mind (I don't mind I don't I don't mind...)
No I don't mind (I don't mind I don't I don't mind...)

In her eyes
There's love and fire
In my heart
She's burning through

But I don't mind
In fact I like it
Though I'm terrified
I'm turned on scared of you

Chorus:
She's a monster (she's a monster)
Beautiful monster (beautiful monster)
Beautiful monster (beautiful monster yeah)
But I don't mind (don't mind)

And I need her (and I need her)
Said I need her (said I need her)
Beautiful monster (whooah)
But I don't mind (I don't mind)
But I don't mind

Playing with my heart
And she's playing with my mind
And I don't mind I don't I don't mind
No I don't mind I don't I don't mind
No I don't mind I don't I don't mind
No I don't mind I don't I don't mind

And I don't mind
Said I don't mind
And I don't mind
Beautiful monster

She's a monster (she's a monster)
Beautiful monster (beautiful monster)
Beautiful monster (oooo)
But I don't mind (but I don't mind)

And I need her (and I need her)
Said I need her (said I need her)
Beautiful monster (beautiful monster)
But I don't mind (ooooo)
No I don't mind

No I don't mind (I don't mind I don't I don't mind...)
No I don't mind (I don't mind I don't I don't mind...)
No I don't mind (I don't mind I don't I don't mind...)
No I don't mind (I don't mind I don't I don't mind...)

-NeYo-

Colorblind

And it's not just a game
You can't throw me away
I put all I had on the line
And I give and you take
And I played the high stakes
I've won and I've lost
But, I'm fine

Hear me say I'll rise up 'til the end
Hear me say I'll stand up for my friends
And I crash to the ground
And it's just my own sound
I drop in the blink of an eye
I'm colorblind

And your milky way fight
Won't stop my delight
You keep me and lock me away
And it's dark and it's bright
It's your colorful pride that kept me here 9000 days

Hear me say I'll see the sky again
Hear me say I'll drive for you my friend
There's a noise in the crowd
But it's just my own shout
A stumble I fall and I pray

Hear you say your eyes see green again
In the end we'll lived up holding hands
Yes, we'll spark in the night
We'll be colorblind
And these are the lives we gave

Hear me say I'll rise up 'til the end
Hear me say that I'll stand beside my friends
I won't stay on the floor
I will settle the score
A stumble I fall and I pray

Hear me say it's time we stop talking
Eye to eye we see a different face
Yes we we've conquered the war
With love at the core
A stumble I fall, but I'll stay
Colorblind.

-Overtone-

What Mom Said

Two things Mom said to me today:

1. Young people always need to have fun.

2. Young people always need to feel loved.

Yes, Mom somehow seems to know best. The things I need to hear to feel reassured that I'm not going crazy. :)

Things have been crazy recently. A whirlwind, a rush. Simply just a whole box of confusion. Things haven't been sorted out, in case you are interested to know. Problems don't just get resolved overnight. We more often than not have to work hard for what we want.

There's just so much going on right now. It'll be good to have some time out to take things nice and slow but I know now's not the time to be going slow, especially with Uni.

This Girl

My Questions, Your Answers?

I guess what I really wanna say to you is that how can a person change overnight? How can a person suddenly stop caring about someone they used to care about so much before? How much is too much and how can I let go? Who's gonna fill the new void in my life? What happened?

Friends never stop caring. That's what I hope is true.

I just spent two hours pouring my heart out to you, bringing you up to date with what's been happening in my life after having not had such a personal conversation with you in say 3-6 months? With you, I sometimes wonder how we maintain our friendship. How despite everything, the distance, the time spend apart, how do I trust you at the end of the day? And why do I seem to / want to run to you / look for you when I have problems?

You asked me if I wanted answers. I'll tell you the same thing again. I'm ranting. And at the same time I wish you had all the answers for me.

Comfort Zone

It seems that every time I go to camp/retreat, I'm forced out of my comfort zone in some way. Sometimes it's getting put with people I'm not familiar with, being out of the service team, being a DGL, being in a different group away from friends, being in a place I don't like, etc. The one I hate most is being away from friends.

This time round, this retreat, I've got my 2 best friends with me and though we've each got our different roles, it will be great to know that anytime I need them, they'll be there for me. I am however, still missing 4 great friends who can't be there with me. They've each dropped out of the camp one by one. Slowly but surely. And that alone, is enough to shake me. I keep wondering what I'm gonna talk to people about, who I'm gonna hang out with, whose team I'm gonna be in, whom I'm gonna eat with, work with, etc etc. I'll tell you I'm socially awkward but you won't believe me. I don't make friends easily and that's why it's hard when I'm put in a situation without my close friends. I'm uncomfortable.

One thing that does stay consistent is that I'm always a part of the music team. I like it. That despite everything, I've still got one comfort zone. My black and white comfort zone.

Trust God!

Hard times energize some people, yet paralyze others. Look at David. Everything he touched turned to gold: Samuel anointed him to be king; he defeated Goliath; Saul chose him as a musician and warrior; the army loved him and wrote songs about him. Then his life fell apart. He lost his job and his marriage failed; Samuel his old mentor died his best friend Jonathan couldn't help him and Saul's soldiers hounded him until he had to hide in a cave.

At some point, we all do time int he cave! It's where you end up when all your earthly supports are gone. It's where you learn important things about yourself that you can't learn anywhere else. It's where God does some of his best work in molding you into the likeness of Christ. It's where your worst inadequacies confirm that you're out of your depth and where God sends His power to flow through your weakness. When David prayed, "You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living," he had no idea there was a crown in his future, or that he wasn't going to die in hiding. For all he knew, this cave he was in right now might be as good as it gets. When you're in a situation you can't fix, can't change and can't escape, trust God! Trust God! Trust God! As long as your sense of security is tied solely to your success, it'll always be fragile. But when you know that God is with you even at your lowest point, you can handle the cave and come out stronger!

On Love

The difference between physical attraction and love is the ability to see the same person at their best and at their worst and still desire without one false step.

Not Finding the Right Words

It's hard the leave behind the people that have been such a big part of your life. It's hard to leave not knowing when you'll ever be back. It's just as hard to leave something that you've put so much effort and love into. It gets even harder when you're forced to leave. It's almost insane.

As hard as it is for you to leave, it's just as hard for me to be left behind and it's hard to accept why. Know that I miss you and am always looking forward to you being back.

I've always believed that should one door close on you, another will open for you elsewhere. In the meanwhile, I wish you all the best in whatever you're called to be doing. I can't wait for you to be back. Really I do.

Goodbyes are hard to deal with. Hopefully, this is no more than a temporary goodbye. And make that a short one too.

Miss you, love you, praying for you and am always no more than a phone call away. And you know where I live if you ever need me. :)

DnMs

I feel that I'm getting too angry too easily, too snappy too easily, too impatient too easily and I cool too easily too quickly. It's been a mad day. A whirlwind of emotions flowing through everything right from 12mn to present. I meant to write about how no one saved prawn dumplings for me but I've already cooled. So that's that. As long as I stay in my room, I should be good. :)

The me that a lot of people don't see is soft-hearted, gives in too easily, can't stay angry at you for long and will make it up to you even if you're the one in the wrong or if I scold you. I'll rarely tell you that you're annoying me. If I do say it, you may be annoying me but not that severely. But last night was just different. I was still nice but I didn't expect the boldness from me.

I unexpectedly talked for 8 consecutive hours with different people, from 12.30am to 8.30am and finally went to bed at 9am. It was at times painful but most of the time heartfelt, honest, and necessary. I still haven't been completely honest with you yet. There's still a bit more that needs to be said and it actually cannot really wait but I haven't found the courage to tell you. So until then, you will be kept in the dark. We've hinted to you before but you're probably too dense to get it.

I'm so proud of myself and what I did. I of course couldn't do it without my best friends. You guys are the awesomest. And I'm so amazed with the way you took everything, it was truly amazing. It wasn't always easy for you I could tell and I was actually scared at first but somehow everything just flowed. When we first started talking, I wanted to bash you up. Good thing you were not near enough for me to do so. But I gradually stopped being mad at you. I just wanted you to know everything that was going through my head. I just wanted everything between us to be back to normal. I just wanted us to be comfortable around each other again. I felt so relieved too when I could tell you everything that was bothering me. I've made up so many stories to avoid having to talk to you but the best relief was not having to hide anything from you.

This just reiterated that communication is so important. It's so important to talk and to let the other person know what's going through your head. We can't always expect others to know what we're thinking but I find that it's so hard for me to be honest about what I feel and how I think especially with the people that matter to me.

Anyways, I couldn't do without you. I already have family here in Perth and don't exactly need more family but you've managed to creep in and become family. Despite everything, just know that at the end of the day, no matter how angry I am or seem, I love you!

All Over Again

Yesterday was a rare opportunity of a night that I spent with a friend of mine. Just us, not having to care about anything, having no agenda in mind, just simply hanging out and being able to talk about anything that I felt like. Being able to be free with him and just annoying him, despite the rare opportunities, the night felt so familiar.

I do realize, I've been gone from a lot of places far too long. But just being back in familiar territories allows me to feel safe and loved. Most times.

The Missing Piece

For the times that we've chosen to give that bit of our heart away to the one we loved and have had to watch that person walk away from us with that bit of our heart and us not knowing if we will ever be complete again. That bit that was everything to us.

Closure

I was waiting up alone
Tryna add it up
What coulda gone wrong
Wish i had a clue, but i don't
I just don't, i just don't

Cause the candles almost burnt at the end
I'm left sitting in the dark again
But something else burnt out
And i don't needa pretend
That this fires gona keep burnin', burnin', no

Sometimes we role the dice
And it don't really matter if it's wrong or right, no
But it's all just apart of life, ya know
I do what i do to survive

And it's over, it's over, it's over
This heartbreak is giving me closure
Me closure, me closure
I really hate to say that it's over
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh
And its giving me closure
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh

So were going our seperate ways
No i won't make the same mistake
You don't have to worry bout valentines day
My birthday, or our anniversary

So i'm driving down the road, all alone
And i turn on the radio
It is playing our song
It went just like me and you
We had a start, and a middle, and an end

Sometimes we role the dice
And it don't really matter if it's wrong or right, no
But it's all just apart of life, ya know
I do what i do to survive

And it's over, it's over, it's over
This heartbreak is giving me closure
Me closure, me closure
And i really hate to say that it's over
It's over, it's over
This heartbreak is giving me closure
Me closure, me closure,

And i really hate to say that it's over
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh
And its giving me closure
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh
And i really hate to say that it's over

Oh, There's really nothing we can do
Oh, i'm beautiful without you
Let it go, let it go, you know
Let it go, baby it's over
You know we do what we do to survive,
Do to survive

And it's over, it's over, it's over
This heartbreak is giving me closure
Me closure, me closure
And i really hate to say that it's over
It's over, it's over
This heartbreak is giving me closure
Me closure, me closure,

And i really hate to say that it's over
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh
And its giving me closure
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh
And i really hate to say that it's over
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh
And its giving me closure
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh

-Scarlett Belle-