Dear You

Twenty years from now, you'll be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowline, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

Mark Twain

So says Mr. Twain that the opportunities that we let go are the ones that will haunt us more than the ones we screw up. Good to know that because at present, I do regret something I've done.

Somewhere in the back of my head I knew you'd be hurt by what I would have to say to you. But a little bit to the left of that back bit of my head, was the part that thought you wouldn't take to heart what I said to you. It seems to be that what hurt you wasn't the incident but was rather me. :( That, actually, is something I never intended to do. To hurt you was never my intention. I apologize for my lack of thoughtfulness, my lack of sensitivity, and I apologize for thinking you're a superhero that's unfazed by my thoughts to you. I know I have hurt you more than once. Unnecessarily.

I usually keep to myself, sharing neither thoughts, troubles, ideas, etc. You somehow bring out that side of me. You bring out a me that's expressive, bold, direct and sometimes insensitive. Perhaps he was right and that we are too close. Perhaps he's also right, that those conversations had a motive behind them. Perhaps he's right about everything. Maybe I really do.

But what's been said cannot been undone. I would love to take back what I said. I would choose not to tell you about all that. It's true I lay in bed and worried about you till I fell asleep. It's true I lay in bed and thought about what I should have instead said to you. You evidently haven't left my mind. I didn't think that your response to me would have such a great impact on me. I never thought when I told you about everything, that this would be your reaction. I never thought that I'd be the one to hurt you. Can I say anything else but "Sorry"? I don't even think that's something you wanna hear from me. Perhaps I should stop talking to you. That way, I wouldn't find myself in so much trouble.

I always say I love you. Do I really? If I did, why would something like this happen? I wanna call you and find out if you're really okay but I think the last person you'd want to hear from right now is me. And I don't wish to ruin your night out so I think I'll just talk to you later.

I'll say that my thoughts were not always for you. Perhaps if I had started out with all of my thoughts being for you, things would have turned out differently.