Closure

I was waiting up alone
Tryna add it up
What coulda gone wrong
Wish i had a clue, but i don't
I just don't, i just don't

Cause the candles almost burnt at the end
I'm left sitting in the dark again
But something else burnt out
And i don't needa pretend
That this fires gona keep burnin', burnin', no

Sometimes we role the dice
And it don't really matter if it's wrong or right, no
But it's all just apart of life, ya know
I do what i do to survive

And it's over, it's over, it's over
This heartbreak is giving me closure
Me closure, me closure
I really hate to say that it's over
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh
And its giving me closure
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh

So were going our seperate ways
No i won't make the same mistake
You don't have to worry bout valentines day
My birthday, or our anniversary

So i'm driving down the road, all alone
And i turn on the radio
It is playing our song
It went just like me and you
We had a start, and a middle, and an end

Sometimes we role the dice
And it don't really matter if it's wrong or right, no
But it's all just apart of life, ya know
I do what i do to survive

And it's over, it's over, it's over
This heartbreak is giving me closure
Me closure, me closure
And i really hate to say that it's over
It's over, it's over
This heartbreak is giving me closure
Me closure, me closure,

And i really hate to say that it's over
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh
And its giving me closure
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh
And i really hate to say that it's over

Oh, There's really nothing we can do
Oh, i'm beautiful without you
Let it go, let it go, you know
Let it go, baby it's over
You know we do what we do to survive,
Do to survive

And it's over, it's over, it's over
This heartbreak is giving me closure
Me closure, me closure
And i really hate to say that it's over
It's over, it's over
This heartbreak is giving me closure
Me closure, me closure,

And i really hate to say that it's over
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh
And its giving me closure
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh
And i really hate to say that it's over
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh
And its giving me closure
Ooh, oh oh, ooh, oh

-Scarlett Belle-

Need You Now

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor
Reachin' for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

woah woaaah.

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin' at all

It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without
I just need you now

I just need you now
Ooo, baby, I need you now

-Lady Antebellum-

Greenfingers

Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue

I'm about to fuck up

So what else is new

Trusting

We all have those times whereby everything we do just doesn't seem right and everything we do just seems to be getting ourselves into trouble. Those days really suck and it's days like these that you really need an avenue to let your frustrations out.

I personally haven't found an effective way to let my stress and anger out. More often that not I find myself taking it out on the people around me in various forms. I don't necessarily scream at them but I bully them, order them around, ignore them, get restless, get snappy, etc. I just become mean. Yes, I will say that I am scary. At times. I fail to control it and everyone around me gets affected. It ain't the best thing to be bottling up your feelings but I just cannot really express the way I feel and what I'm experiencing face to face with people, particularly the negatives. I'd find it so hard to start a conversation with you. If anyone ever is really interested in what I'm feeling, talk to me face to face and ask me questions. Just flood me with questions and I will try my very best to answer your questions. But, only if I feel I can trust you.

Everyone has trust issues hey. So don't feel that you're the only one. I don't know what's with all the above but this is for you. I didn't know how to say it earlier on and I still can't really put what I wanna say in to words.

Don't feel that you're the only one with trust issues for you are not alone.

Don't feel pressured to conform to what the world wants of you for you are not the only one staying true to yourself.

Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Freedom is sweet! It feels so good to be able to decide what I wanna do. Am already so sick and tired of my books dictating my life for the past 1 month. Don't matter if it's only temporary. It's probably because it's temporary that I appreciate it more. Freedom from exams that it.

Life is always gonna be a test of who we are, how we handle ourselves, how we deal with relationships, how we treat people, etc etc...

But for now, I wanna catch up with friends, family and sleep. How I've missed you guys. As it is, I've already had 2 dinners, 1 night out, 1 meeting, off to another night out followed by a picnic and god knows what else.. My whirlwind of events for the weekend. All slots booked right till Tuesday. Knowing me though, I can defo squeeze in more.

Loving the new found freedom!

Long Way To Go

The 18th

Gonna be so busy from the 18th onwards. :)

Looking forward to all the awesome things that will be happening then - holidays, sleep-ins, sleep-overs, music, movies, shopping, etc etc... To top things off, we got a new oven. Hello baking! You can expect sweet treats if you (1) live within 50kms of my house, (2) know my number, (3) are willing to drive to my house and (4) can get me to open the door for you.

Chocolate tarts, muffins, brownies, cupcakes, creme patissiere tarts, cookies, cakes, pies, roasts, beef, pork, chicken yum!

Can't wait till the end of this silly exam. God knows why we have exams. Am hell annoyed with them and have absolutely no motivation to study for this exam. Did absolutley zero study today. Had 14 hours of sleep between yesterday's paper and Uni today. I did comtemplate not coming in today. Fortunately, dragging my lazy ass to Uni today wasn't the worst decision of my life. It was pretty enjoyable at Uni today. Have gotten zero studying but I guess it's just the way things are meant to be.

It's gonna be Murdoch again tonight. All by my lonely self but I will have bubble tea right by my side. I think.

Can't wait till the 18th! Partay partay here I come!

No to Bad History Repeating

Everything happens for a reason I'm told to believe. Nothing is accidental. But if nothing was accidental, I couldn't possibly experience serendipity. No one expects accidents. Serendipity's meaning is oxymoronic. I guess going to St. Emilie's worked out. Father Dennis preached a wonderful sermon. It was to a certain extent what I needed to hear. He said that it was okay to sin. It's okay to not be able to forgive. And when you experience God's love, that's when you will be able to love. Something like that. But that is my am. God's abundant and blessing love.

It was the sermon that made me feel okay about not talking to you. Not for too long though. Soon, we'll take it up again. It's been bugging my mind and I need to settle it. Much as you might hate me after it, you need to know. It's what will keep us. I hope. If you leave, I will know it wasn't never meant to be.

The future cannot be changing so quickly and history cannot possibly be repeating itself again. Once, is more than enough.

Being Forgiven

When I was in my third semester at university we had the occasional class with a new assistant professor on her first academic assignment. She was a good scholar and I came to respect her greatly afterwards. But in those early days some student did not get on very well with her.

One day, with the typical conceit and thoughtlessness of the young and inexperienced, a few of us spoke disparagingly of her classes to the head of the department. We were among the best students, so our criticism was taken more seriously than it need have been. It was only after I noticed how hurt our poor assistant professor was that I realized what we had done, sounding off to her supervisor instead of broaching the deilcate subject with herself. I felt so ashamed of myself. SO together with a fellow student involved in the incident I went up to her after class and apologized.

This might have been the end of the story. But as the days passed I kept feeling bad about the whole thing. So after a fortnight I sought another interview with her to tell her once more how sorry I felt. I will never forget Brygida's kindness and understanding. She got up, gave this tearful, immature young girl a big hug and said , "Why, I have forgiven you. but you need to forgive yourself!" She then invited me to her place for a meal and a good long chat. It was the beginning of a solid friendship that lasted for many years, right until Brygida's premature death from cancer.

This was my first major experience of being forgiven and learning to forgive myself.

-Elisabeth-

Beyond My Control

Meeting you was fate, being your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control.

New Experience

It's 10th June 7:14am. Two days after my best friend Brenda's birthday, 1 day after my first paper, 1 day before my second paper. So here I sit cross-legged on my favorite sofa in Murdoch Library, listening to Hero by Enrique Iglesias, feeling awake cos I've just had an approximately 1hr long nap and the sky outside is bright. I've just finished all the Lectopia for Investment Analysis and I can already tell that I am going to miss Robert Durand's silly jokes. They always manage to put a smile on my face and makes Lectopia so much more bearable.

3 more exams to go and here I sit among people approaching the second last day of their exams. My _____ all-nighter with Abby but I think the first time I'm alone with her. There's Maccas coffee on the table, Arnott's Milk Coffee biscuits and the guy behind me just fell forward and bumped his head on the table because he fell asleep sitting up. He's learnt his lesson and is now sleeping with his head on the table.

At 10.30pm, we had the second bubble tea for the week, 2.30am, had my umpteenth Maccas supper in like 2 months. It's a rare night without Yohaan. It really seems my life is boring, pathetic that I'm sitting in Uni this early in the morning, always the same old Maccas, bubble tea, hanging out with the same friends from another Uni and seemingly having no friends in my own Uni.

This is all so different from what I've been doing the past 3 semesters. It was always wake up early, sleep early, study hard during the day. This time its all different. The friends, the food, the environment, the laptop, the music, the jacket, the jeans, the pens, the water bottle, etc etc…

I miss the good times but I'd say this semester hasn't been too bad despite all my complaints. I don't really know what I'm driving at. I don't actually think this post has a specific purpose. I guess it's just me wanting to take in all that's happening and writing so I can look back in the future.

A shout out to all who've been company this exam break - Joel, Joyce, May, Abby, Yohaan, Hun Hao, Sharon, Jorine & Jungle Jewels. To everyone still having exams, all the best :) To all those done, I'm free on the 18th and I will see you guys then! Make plans and count me in for anything after 1pm :)

Dear Sharon

You have the exact thoughts I have... Cept I like 6/2009 better. Kinda cos 11/2008 I didnt really know you then. Lol...

I miss the routines, the friends, the warmth, the love. I basically miss the company and knowing that I'm not alone in this mess. I mean of course I'm not alone in this cos the entire Uni is in exam mode too but you get my drift I'm sure. Friends by your side when your dying and under pressure is just awesome. The times when studying was cool because it meant being able to hang out with your friends, have lunch, have fun, be motivated, etc etc...

A year and a half on, everything is different. Wait. It was just one year ago. Oh my gosshhhh! How things change in just one year. My world has grown bigger but I sure haven't forgotten any of you guys.

I was in Reid the other day, went to Uni to get books. Got there, saw no one, went to cafe, saw no one, sat down, recognized no one, went to all the flies blogs to get updates, saw that neither had been to Reid much, felt instantly depressed. And omg!! I missed Murdoch. :S Weridness! LOL.. Lost all study motivation until Hun Hao came. And then Jorine.

I wonder when those times will return. We will try to make something work out next semester. It's my last semester (hopefully). Uni is what you and your friends make it to be. Me miss you...

Love Tiffany :)

ps. This post started out as a comment on your blog. Then it got longer and longer and so I'm 'commenting' here.. Hehehe.. Me miss you!!!

Where Are You

(I know you are out there baby...somewhere)
There is someone out there for me (I know there is somebody out there)
I know she is waiting so patiently (yeah) can you tell me her name? (Somebody tell me her name)
This life-long search is gonna drive me insane
How does she laugh? How does she cry? What's the color of her eyes?
Does she even realize I'm here?
Where is she? Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?
Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?
dadadadadada dadadada dadadadadada (where are you?)

I'm staring out at the sky (I see you baby)
Praying that he will walk in my life
Where is the man of my dreams (right here) yea-yeah
I'll wait forever, how silly it seems
How does he laugh? How does he cry? What's the color of his eyes?
Does he even realize I'm here?
Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?
Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?
dadadadadada dadadada dadadadadada (where are you?)

There is someone out there for me (there is someone out there for me)
I know she is waiting so patiently (so patient)
Can you tell me her name (can you tell me his name)
This life-long search is gonna drive me insane (that's right)

How does he laugh? How does he cry? What is the color of his eyes?
Does he even realize I'm here?

Where is she? Where is she? Where is she? Where is this beautiful girl?
Who is she? Who is she? Who is gonna complete my world?

Where is he? Where is he? Where is he? Where is this beautiful guy?
Who is he? Who is he? Who is gonna take me so high?

dadadadadada dadadada (yeah) dadadadadada (I know you out there)
dadadadadada dadadada (yeah) dadadadadada

Where are you?? I'm going to look all over the world baby
'Cuz I know you are out there
I know this might sound crazy, but I think I love you
dadadadadada (that's right) dadadada dadadadadada
dadadadadada dadadada (yeah) dadadadadada

Where are you??

-Natalie feat Justin-

Socks for Love

True love is like socks. You gotta have two. And they have gotta match.

What If

Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change

Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know

Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heart-ache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change

Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
'Cos I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind

What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
What if I had never walked away
'Cos I still love you more than I can say
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
We'll never know

-Kate Winslet-

Breaking Up

如果两个人分手之后做了朋友……

那说明我从来没有爱过你

如果两个人分手之后依旧可以做朋友做的事……

那说明我想让你记住我

如果两个人分手之后我不再见你并大声说我恨你……

那说明我不舍得离开你

如果两个人分手之后我们在彼此的世界消失了……

那说明我真的爱你

Translated, this means,

If after breaking up, we become friends, it means I've never loved you.

If after breaking up, we continue doing things friends would do, it means I want you to remember me.

If after breaking up, we don't meet again and I keep screaming "I hate you", it means I can't bear to leave you.

If after breaking up, I disappear from your world completely, it means I really love you.

Mrs. James

I see 1 facebook inbox message and I wonder who. Really an awesome surprise.

Hi Tiffany,

I am Mrs. James (Esther), Abby's mom. How are you?

Just wanted to drop a note to thank you and Yohan for being there at a time Abby needed a friend. Though I have not met you or Yohan, I know from what Abby has described that you are both God sent and more then a brother and sister to her during her time so far away from home. We are so blessed to have angels like you around.

THANK YOU and God bless us all.

PS: Please convey my love and thanks to Yohan as well.

Thank You for Being My Best Friend

I don't remember anyone persuade me to talk as you have.

I don't remember ever having anyone reassuring me so much that I can trust them with everything.

I don't remember anyone constantly asking me not to feel awkward with them.

I don't remember anyone driving me 40 minutes to the top of a hill to see the city lights.

I don't remember ever seeing a non-school friend this much.

I don't remember anyone coming to my house this often.

I don't remember anyone ever being so protective of me as you are.

I don't remember anyone ever wanting to punch someone else for me.

I don't remember anyone who'd let me do this much shit as I've done with you.

I don't remember anyone talking so freely with me.

I don't remember anyone call me a cartoon.

I don't remember anyone telling me 24/7 that I'm lame.

I don't remember anyone staying up till 6am with me, talking to me.

I don't remember what it's like to share face-to-face.

I haven't had someone do this much for me in a long long long long long long time.

I've never had a best friend like you.

I am pretty sure you don't read my blog but this post is nevertheless dedicated to you. Thank you for last night. It may not seem the case but I really appreciate it and am truly loved with a friend like you. It's hard for me to express everything face-to-face. But worry not, you'll know it all soon enough.

For everything you've done, I love you too! :)

PS. That thing about the conversations in the car, can you not always wait for me to make conversation first? You know what I'm like. I can stay silent for extended periods of time.

Ok bye...

From Where You Are

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you

So far away from where you are
Standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they'd mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

-Lifehouse-